What do I do with a newborn? A grandparent’s refresher

Babies are even more precious than usual these days, given how few of them there are. So Grandpa and I are basking in the gift of cuddling, feeding, and watching our new granddaughter’s every mood and development. As we do, we’re making ourselves useful so the parents can do the other grown-up things they need to do while we eat up the baby care.

We didn’t get as much hands-on baby time with our other grandkids. A couple of them lived half a continent away, and I was still working full time and then some. So although she’s our fifth grandchild (in case you’re counting, we have an adult grandchild who doesn’t make it into the blog much), we felt a bit out of practice when we started caring for her.

Luckily, the moves came back immediately—deep body knowledge from our parenting years. If you’re so lucky as to have a baby grandchild, it may well be the same for you. But in case you need a refresher, here are some of the ways to interact with baby—some just for joy, some useful, others a mix.

Brief pause for a top priority, though! Although you may well have more practice, at first, than the parents do, it’s very possible that the best gift you can give the new family is to not be there. They may want to bond, figure out their own rhythms, and establish their own competence before you step in to help. We offered to stay away, but our daughter and son-in-law liked a balance in which they were mostly on their own, but had the respite and occasional voice of experience to fall back on. We would not have been hurt if they had chosen otherwise. 

On the same lines, we old folks need to remember that there are lots of good ways—including new ways—to raise babies. For example, I never burped our babies in the middle of a feeding, but that’s the advice they got and the instruction they gave me, so that’s what I do. And what do I know about SNOOs and silicone nipples and breast pumps? Or about the advice that babies under one (or two, or three) months live in pandemic-style social isolation? Right, nothing. 

So I listen to the parents and do what they tell me. Even when they are not watching!

All that said, the basics of baby care are time-honored. Here’s a refresher:

With teeny newborns

• Look at them—they are amazing! Those tiny hands and feet, and the downy hair on their face…

• Watch them carefully. Their expressions will give you cues to how they feel. 

• Feel for any tension in their bodies, too. If they have gas or other discomfort they will tense up. You can help them relax and feel better with some of the following moves:

• Cuddle—enjoy how they nestle in. Depending on the baby and the current mood, they might like a sideways hold best, head nestled at your elbow. Or maybe curled up upright on your chest.  

• Dance with them.

• Rock them: In a rocking chair, or standing and swaying. 

• If they are bottle fed, or partially so, feed them.

• Burp them.

• Change their diapers.

• If parent- and baby-approved, offer them a pacifier. 

• Talk to them. Tell them about what is around you. Explain what’s happening or what they are seeing if you notice them react. (Of course they don’t understand you, but it’s good for them to hear words and to hear and feel your soothing voice.)

• Sing to them, softly—whatever songs you know. When we visited our New York grandson, I was practicing the Fauré Requiem with my choir. So Grandson was treated to “Libera me, Domine, de morte aeterna, in die illa tremenda…” (“Deliver me, O Lord, from eternal death, on that fearful day.”)” Not exactly lullaby fare, but he seemed to like it!

• Play soft music on whatever device you have.

As they get to 4-6 weeks

• Continue with all of the above, and add as appropriate: 

• Walk outside with them. If the family has a tiny-baby-appropriate stroller, that’s helpful. Or if your back is strong enough, you can use a baby sling.

• Let them have some tummy time, so they can practice turning or raising their head. (They may not want to be on their tummy for long.)

• Read to them; they won’t understand what you’re saying, of course, or even look at the pictures, but the rhythm and ritual are good precedents. 

• Recite nursery rhymes or other poems. 

• Exaggerate your smile, seeing whether you can get them to engage. Sometime between six and eight weeks, you might get the reward of a beautiful baby smile back!  

• When they are looking at you, copy their mouth movements. It’s a kind of conversation.

At about two months

• Continue with the preceding.

• And now is also when Baby starts to reach out to you, and also to do more things. You’ll know what they like to do by their body language (relaxed or joyously wriggly), and because babies do what they like to do. “Never disturb a happy baby!” is a mantra in our family—meaning, if Baby is happy doing whatever s/he is doing, let Baby stick with it.

• Baby may want to try new physical feats. Our granddaughter suddenly has much better neck control, and she wants to use her legs. So I hold her under the arms, with my fingers supporting her upper back and neck and let her push and stand. Great workout for her (good for gas relief, too).  

• Play baby games, like gallop-a-trot, gently (!) and with adequate neck and body support. 

• Respond when they “talk” to you. Often you can have quite a conversation this way, and you will probably get to see a beautiful baby smile, too. 

• Notice what they are looking at and talk to them about it. 

• Notice what they are looking at and give them different views of it by walking around the object or turning it in your hands (depending on what’s interesting them, of course).

And always

• Hone your ability to treasure the phase the baby (toddler, child) is in, because it goes by so very, very fast.